Queer As Tachi – Chapter 54

                A rap on his bedroom door woke Yugi earlier than he expected, since it was his day to work the afternoon shift and he wanted to sleep in.  He thought he had heard the phone, but tried to ignore it until his grandfather knocked and told him there was someone calling for him.  Groaning, Yugi pried himself out of the warm covers and padded over to his desk to pick up the phone, at which point he heard the click of his grandpa hanging up the other line.  “Hello?” Yugi mumbled.

                “Yugi Muto?” a strange adult voice asked.  “I’m sorry if I woke you.  I’m…Ryo Bakura’s father.”

                Puzzled, Yugi frowned to himself.  “Oh.  Well…what can I do for you, Mr. Bakura?”

                “It’s Ryo.”  The man sounded very solemn.  “There’s been an accident.  He’s in the hospital.”

                Yugi jerked to alertness, trying not to drop the phone in his surprise.  “The hospital!   Is he okay?  What happened?”

                Mr. Bakura made a painful noise.  “Er, well…it’s rather strange.  He’s out of the woods, so to speak, but he asked me to call you and see if you would be willing to come down and see him.”  He sighed tiredly.  “You’re the only one of his friends he’s asked for.”

                “Of course I’ll come down,” Yugi said immediately.   “He’s okay, he’s up for having visitors?”

                “Yes.  Please, if you would.   I’m sure it would mean a lot to Ryo.”

                “Yeah, sure.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

                Grandpa Muto looked up from fixing his morning coffee to see Yugi in the kitchen doorway, still in his pajamas but looking rather alert and afraid and holding the phone cradled to his chest.  “Yugi?” he asked.  “What is it?”

                “Grandpa,” Yugi began in a soft voice, “I need some time off today.  I have to go down to the hospital.”

                Grandpa’s eyes widened.  “What for?”

                “It’s Bakura.  That was his dad…he’s been in some kind of accident.”

               His grandpa stepped up to him and set a hand on his shoulder.   “Go,” he encouraged.  “Don’t worry about getting back here in time.  I’ll hold the fort until you get back.”

                “It shouldn’t be that late,” Yugi tried to explain, “but I really don’t know what I’m going to find when I get there.  Thanks, Grandpa.”

                “Do you want to take the car?”

                Yugi paused in the act of turning around, and glanced back.   “Um…yeah, sure.  If I can.”

                “Of course you can.  I hope Bakura is all right,” he added as Yugi resumed his departure.

                It didn’t take long for Yugi to get dressed, and in no time he had driven himself down to the hospital and located the room number Ryo’s father had given him.  Their conversation had been so short and awkward that Yugi knew nothing of what was going on, but he noticed that Ryo had been admitted to the hospital and had his own room already.  Whatever it was had to be serious.  He had hardly conversed with Yami the whole way, but he was glad to feel his partner’s spirit close to him, prepared to comfort him at the moment of need.   Yugi stepped up to the door of the room, but before he could knock, it opened and a taller man met him, looking somewhat rumpled in yesterday’s shirt and trousers.  There wasn’t much similarity between Mr. Bakura and his son, but Yugi could tell by the harried look on his face that this had to be Ryo’s father.  He managed a startled smile at the sight of the young visitor.  “Ah, you must be Yugi,” he said politely.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

                “Mr. Bakura,” Yugi acknowledged him with a bob of his head.   “How is Ryo?  Is he okay?”

                “He’s awake,” the man replied, reaching behind him to push the door back open.  “He’s been admitted so the doctors can keep an eye on him, and make sure there’s no complications, but considering what happened it’s a miracle he’s alive.”  He gave Yugi a sad look, since his downhearted declaration had evoked a gasp of fear in the young man.  “I got a call in the middle of the night from the paramedics, who had been called to Ryo’s flat near campus.  He had an accident, he…somehow fell on the Ring I gave him from Egypt, and one of the pointers pierced his chest very close to his heart.  He lost a lot of blood, but he should be fine with some rest, barring any complications.  He was very lucky.”  Mr. Bakura frowned.  “I came down to be with him, but when he finally woke up, he didn’t want to speak to me.  He only asked me to call you, and gave me your number.”   He glanced at the half-open door, and then gave Yugi a plaintive look.  “I know he said he wanted to see you as soon as you came, so…go on in.  I was just about to go get myself some coffee.  Can I get you anything?”

                “No, it’s all right,” Yugi assured with a kind smile.   “Go ahead.  I’ll keep Ryo company for a while.”

                Mr. Bakura nodded and stepped out of the way, giving Yugi permission to go into the hospital room.  He left the door slightly ajar, mostly because he forgot completely about it the moment he saw Ryo.   His friend was sitting up in bed, his thin build barely covered by a hospital gown, his eyes rimmed with shadows and the faint sign of tears.  Seeing that it was Yugi, Ryo sat up a little, a light of hope coming on in the depths of his dark eyes, but then he gave a little grunt and placed a hand to his chest.  “Yugi,” he breathed.  “You’re here.”

                “I came as soon as I could,” Yugi said sorrowfully, crossing to the bed.  “How are you feeling?  What happened?   Your father said you fell on the Millennium Ring?”

                “Yes,” Ryo said hesitantly, “well, sort of.”  His eyes went to his father still standing in the doorway, watching out for him.  Yugi glanced back to see him also, and wondered at the tension he could sense between them.  “Could you leave us alone to talk for a while?” Ryo asked softly.

                Mr. Bakura nodded defeatedly.  “If that’s what you want.  I’ll be back in a little while.”

                They waited until he had left and closed the door behind him before Yugi spoke again.  “What’s the matter?” he worried.  “I know you and your father aren’t very close, but…”

                “He wouldn’t understand,” Ryo said morosely, clasping his hands in his lap.  “What I need to say to you, he doesn’t need to hear.  You see…the version of events my father has differs slightly from the truth.”   He rubbed at his chest again, making a pained face.  “He and the doctors were told it was an accident, and I was hurt when I fell on the Ring.  But that’s not entirely true.”

                Yugi covered his mouth with a hand to keep from gaping in surprise.  “But…the Ring really did…?”

                Ryo bowed his head and nodded.  “One of the tines went into my chest, but it missed my heart by just a few centimeters.  I’m told that if someone hadn’t called an ambulance, I might have bled to death.  They patched it up, but…it still hurts, and will take a while to heal.”

                “That’s terrible,” Yugi said sympathetically, stepping next to him and taking his hand to comfort him.  “When did it happen?”

                “Late last night.  I was alone at home.”

                A frown darkened Yugi’s expression.  “But…then who called the ambulance?”

                Ryo glanced up at him, his look giving the answer before he had to say a word.  “The Bakura who called for help blamed it all on an accident, and everyone believes the story.  It’s my guess he concocted it to explain it to them without having to reveal what really happened.”

                The frown deepened, but Yugi didn’t let go of his friend’s hand.  “Ryo…what did happen?”

                Ryo looked away, withdrawing his hand from Yugi’s and enfolding it to his chest, as if to tug his gown tighter around him.  Tears filled his soft brown eyes as he murmured, “I did it on purpose.  I tried to kill myself.”  He swallowed the sob welling up in his throat.  “I only survived because the Ring couldn’t pierce me deep enough.”

                “Ryo!”  Yugi backed away a step in surprise.  “You…you wanted to kill yourself?  But why?”   He lunged forward again, grabbing for Bakura’s hand on the blanket.  “Why would you want to do such a thing?  You have so much to live for, you have friends who love you!”

                “Do I?”  Ryo slowly lifted his head to regard Yugi, his tear-filled eyes sad even though he tried to smile.  “It’s a nice thing to say, Yugi, but we both know it’s not true.  I don’t have much to hope for, not with the spirit of the Ring in control of so much of my life.  But…this time, I wasn’t doing it for myself.  I’ve thought about suicide before, but I never had the courage to do it.  This time…I only did it to destroy the spirit of the Ring.   He told me…he said if I died, he wouldn’t be able to survive without a vessel, so I wanted to get rid of him once and for all.  Not just to free myself, but to…to save you, and all the world.  So you wouldn’t have to be afraid of him coming after you anymore.”  He bit back another sob, but doing so hurt his chest, making him clutch his hand to it.

                “Oh…Ryo…”  Yugi sat down on the bed beside him, picking up his other hand from the blankets and clasping it warmly between his.  “I…I don’t know what to say.  I don’t want you to die.  Not even to save me!   I know it seems like the right way, but…it’s not.  Please, don’t let the spirit drive you to this.”

                Ryo squeezed the hands holding his.  “He threatened to take control of me and pretend to be me, in order to stop me from doing anything to myself.  But I managed to do this, and he couldn’t stop me.  If I’d only been a little stronger, and could have plunged the tine a little deeper…”

                “No, Ryo!”  Now Yugi was beginning to cry, his violet eyes watering.  “Come on, now.  It’s not that hopeless.  There are other ways to stop him!  I wish…I wish you could be free of him, too.  Yami and I have talked about it, we’re always looking out for a way to make it happen.  Please, this isn’t the way.  We need you.”

                Bakura shook his head slowly.  “No, you don’t.  The best way I can be of help to you and the pharaoh is to destroy the spirit.  I don’t have the strength to battle him, all I can do is die and take him with me.”  He looked straight at Yugi, smiling a little at the tears in his friend’s eyes.  “I could see a tiny light of hope, that I could be free of the spirit in death, and I grasped for it.  It gave me the courage to do it.”

                “Please, Ryo…”  Yugi let go of his hand and placed his hands on either side of his friend’s face, cupping his cheeks tenderly in order to look into his eyes.  “Maybe that would destroy the spirit, but the price is too high to pay.   Your life is worth so much more than the chance to stop the shadow games.  Can you honestly say, to my face, that you hate yourself enough to want to die?”

                They stared at each other for a long moment, Ryo’s brown eyes growing gradually wider and sadder, his lower lip beginning to tremble.  At last, he whispered, “I don’t want to die…”

                “You don’t have to.”  Yugi stroked his cheek kindly with his thumb.  “You’re alive.  You made it!  You’re safe now, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.  I’m your friend, and I care about you.  I don’t want you to die either.  I would miss you so much.  If you died, I…”  He offered a wan smile.  “I would cry, a lot.”

                A sob too powerful to stop escaped Ryo, and he crumbled.   Even though it hurt his chest tremendously, he collapsed into Yugi’s arms and cried into his shoulder, clutching tightly to his shirt.  Yugi’s arms came around him to hold him gently, and he let his friend cry for as long as he needed.   Bakura buried his face in Yugi’s shoulder and sobbed for a long time, occasionally whimpering, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”  Then, he lost the will to speak, and just cried.

                Yugi clung to his friend with all his strength, being the stable rock he needed even though his own eyes swam with tears.  The more Bakura cried out his terror and remorse, the more Yugi feared losing his own composure.  Resting his cheek on Bakura’s shoulder, he turned his attention briefly inward.  Yami, he called to his companion.  I don’t know how much more I can take.  I need your strength.

                In response, the pharaoh’s spirit came to him and wrapped ethereal arms around him, allowing their minds to connect and a bond to form.  While Yugi’s gentle heart was more than enough comfort for Ryo, Yami’s quiet strength would do them all much more good.  He sympathized both with Bakura and with his soulmate, knowing that both boys were hurting in their own way and needed him to look after them.  Allowing Yugi to recede so his broken heart could heal, Yami took control and sat there holding Ryo for a while longer, running one hand slowly up and down his back to soothe him.  “It’s all right,” he said softly, as Ryo’s sobbing began to subside.  “I know it hurts.  Just let go.  We’re here for you.”

                “I’m so sorry,” Ryo whispered into his neck.  “I don’t want to die, but I don’t know what else to do.  Everything is just so dark.”

                “I know.”  Yami helped him to sit up, and kindly wiped the tears from his cheeks.  His shirt was rather soaked, but he didn’t care.  “I imagine you must be suffering a great deal more than you let anyone see, to have driven you to this point.  I’m so sorry that your friends weren’t there for you when you needed us the most.”

                “It’s not your fault,” Ryo said weakly, shaking his head.   “I have no one to blame but myself.   I don’t want to be like this, I want things to be better.  I just don’t know how to make it so.”

                Yami supported him with an arm around him and brushed his hair back from his eyes.  Poor Ryo looked even more worn and haggard now, thin and pale.  The pharaoh’s heart went out to him.  “Ryo,” he began in his most gentle tone, “I know I’m asking much of you, but…may I speak to the spirit of the Ring?  If you would consent to letting him come out for just a moment.  I have something I need to tell him.”

                Ryo looked worriedly at him, and that was when he finally noticed that he was sitting across from the pharaoh rather than Yugi alone.  For that, he decided he could agree.  “Very well,” he nodded, glancing aside to the table next to the bed.  The Millennium Ring rested there on a folded cloth, having been safely removed from his chest and cleaned up.

                Yami nodded back.  “I know.  I will try to keep it short.  But I want to speak to him.”

                Ryo lowered his head and closed his eyes, hoping that the spirit dwelling inside him had heard everything and understood that the pharaoh himself requested his presence.  Fortunately, the switch of minds took only a heartbeat.  Yami sensed the darkness ripple through his soul as Bakura lifted his head and focused a sullen glare on him.  The spirit’s presence changed Bakura subtly, making him look older and warier and even more awkward and tired in the flimsy hospital gown.  Bakura looked down at his hands upturned on the bed, the IV stuck into one and the identification bracelet on the other.  “Well,” he said heavily.  “You wanted to talk to me, pharaoh?”

                Yami had sat back, not wanting to hold Ryo any longer when it wasn’t Ryo.  He sat demurely with his hands folded in his lap, back straight, a noble look in his elegant eyes.  “Yes, and I would like to keep the conversation civil, for once.   This is no laughing matter.”

                “Indeed,” Bakura said, lifting his eyes.  He looked just as serious as the pharaoh sounded.  “You won’t get any argument from me on that matter.  We came very close to losing everything last night.”

                “You do understand that Ryo did it to get rid of you?”

                “So he tells himself.”  Bakura averted his eyes in a pout.  “But he has thought of suicide before.  Perhaps this time, it was the chance to free himself from me that provoked him to action, but you should know that he has contemplated it before.”

                “You saved him.”  Yami focused squarely on him, his expression calm.  “He owes his life to you.  But I suspect it wasn’t because you have any kind of emotional connection to him.”

                “Not remotely,” Bakura admitted.  “You may have formed a bond with your vessel, but that is not my purpose for existence.  I saved him because I need his body, and I will do it again.  I intend to stop him if he tries again.”

                “Then, it seems to me that you and I share a comment interest in Ryo.”  Yami eyed him coolly.   “We both wish for him to stay alive, even if it isn’t for the same reasons.”

                “True.”  Bakura lifted a wary gaze to his adversary’s face.  He looked out of place in the hospital bed, and from the expression in his eyes, felt that way himself.  “Yet, I shall grow weary of being his babysitter before too long.  I want to live, but he shall find me very difficult to live with if I am constantly having to watch him and hold his hand.”  His dark eyes sobered even more.  “As much as it pains me to say this, I’m no idiot.  Ryo needs you.  At least, he needs Yugi.”  He looked away in embarrassment.  “I must ask you to stay close to him, and watch over him.  No one else can, for he refuses to let me help him my own way.”

                Yami’s eyes widened in surprise.  “I don’t believe you’re asking me this.”

                “I do so not out of a willingness to see more of your fluffy little vessel,” Bakura grumbled, “but because I’m not stupid.  I know that only Yugi can get through to Ryo and give him a reason to live.  He may not have any hope of romance, now that he knows Yugi only has eyes for you, but there is more to their relationship than that.  Even though I know you’re all conspiring to find a means to destroy me, I’m willing to step back and allow you into his life if it means he will stay alive.”

                “I don’t think you have much choice,” Yami murmured warningly, “if Yugi were to be a more constant presence in Ryo’s life.  Unlike me, you have no partnership.  What Ryo wishes to do with his life, and the company he wishes to keep, are his choice alone.”

                “Yes, I know,” Bakura said sullenly.  “But he guards himself out of fear that I will do something to the people he wants to be close to.  If I were to back off and let him have his life, for now, he wouldn’t have that fear.  He could find reasons to stay alive, and improve his situation, and that in turn would allow me to survive.”  He fixed the pharaoh with a calm, conciliatory look.  “It’s a concession I’m willing to make.  I am at a disadvantage, and I know it.  My only thought is for my own self-preservation, and seeing the extremes to which Ryo is willing to go, I know when I ought to retreat and bide my time.”

                Lowering his head, Yami closed his eyes and sighed.  “As much as I hate to concede anything to you,” he began seriously, “I have to agree.  I would rather be rid of you than make deals with you, but right now Ryo’s safety and sanity is my only concern.  I am willing to allow you your survival, if it means Ryo won’t be provoked to try anything so foolish and drastic again.”  He lifted his eyes and glared at the spirit.  “But I warn you not to give me a reason to finish what it seems we started ages ago.  I won’t stop looking for a way to free him from your control, and I will never forget that you are my enemy and pose the greatest threat to me and to Yugi.”

                “As well you shouldn’t,” Bakura nodded.  “Our time will come, eventually, but now is not that time.   I shall be looking eagerly forward to that day.”  His eyes narrowed briefly in the faintest of smirks.  “Never let your guard down, pharaoh.  And might I say, you would do well not to allow your feelings for your vessel to cloud your judgement.  Loving him could be your downfall, unless you’re willing to sacrifice him if it will save the world.”

                Yami did his best not to react, only giving Bakura a cool glare.   “My relationship with Yugi has no bearing on our conflict.  Nor does it change how either of us feels about Ryo.  He is our friend, and we are here to look after him.”

                “Good.”  Bakura grew solemn again.  “He is a pathetic, desperate boy, but if you still care about him, I will not interfere.  I charge you, pharaoh, to make sure that Yugi showers him with attention and gives him hope to go on living.  I shall be wary of him for a while, but if Yugi can turn him around, it will make it easier for me to keep my eye on him.”

                “You’re asking a great deal from us,” Yami noted.  “Ryo may need more than just the affection of a friend.  He may be beyond helping.”

                Bakura shook his head slowly.  “He isn’t,” he said flatly.  “I can sense it.  He acted last night out of desperation, but some part of him doesn’t want to die.  Yugi already touched that part – now it’s up to you to nurture that feeling, and light the way for him.”  His eyes darkened in anger.  “I have no way of giving him what he needs, and he won’t take what I offer.  This is all that’s left.”

                The pharaoh heaved a long sigh.  “Very well.  We will look after Ryo, but not because you ask.  Because we love him.”

                “Of course.”  Bakura gave him a thoughtful look.  “The next time you see me, pharaoh, we will be on opposing sides again.  I shouldn’t have to show myself until then, so for as long as Ryo has his own wits about him, our truce will last.”  He closed his eyes, and a deep breath signaled the release of his control over Ryo’s body.

                Yami placed a hand over Ryo’s, as it rested in his lap, as the young man lifted sad eyes to him.  “It’s okay,” he said gently.  “Nothing happened.”

                “I know.”  Ryo looked down at the hand on his.  “I heard some of it, faintly.  Have you…said what you needed to say to him?”

                “Yes,” Yami nodded.  “And I’m fairly certain you’re safe, now.  Ryo…”  He gave him a pleading look.  “Yugi and I care about you very much.  We always have.   It pains me to see you suffering like this.   Please, if there is anything we can do for you, just ask.  Don’t keep it all inside anymore, we want you to reach out to us.  You don’t have to shoulder this burden alone.”

                Ryo bowed his head and nodded, more to hide the tears that welled up in his dark eyes.  “I’ll try,” he whimpered.  “It’s so hard.  I…”  He shuddered and fell silent, rubbing his hand across his chest where it hurt.

                Yami knew that his time was past, and quietly, without fanfare, receded and allowed Yugi to step in.  He clasped Ryo’s hands in his and leaned forward to kiss him platonically on the forehead.   Ryo trembled, and the shadow of a smile touched his lips.  “It’ll be okay,” Yugi murmured.  “Don’t try to take too much on at once.  Just one day at a time.  That’s all you need to worry about.  For now, just get some rest, and let your body heal.  Then we can work on the rest, okay?”  He squeezed Ryo’s hands.  “I’m not going to make you promise me anything, I don’t want to hold anything over you.   You need to get better at your own pace.   But…please, if you can…don’t give in to the spirit of the Ring.  Don’t let him taunt you or make you want to give up.”  He sat back in order to meet Ryo’s eyes and search them hopefully.  “If you take your life, the spirit is the one to blame for it, not you, and that would mean he wins.  I don’t want that to happen.”

                Ryo heaved a weak sigh.  “I will do my best, Yugi.  I don’t want him to control me, either, and that includes driving me to desperate acts.   I’ll…I’ll be strong.  As strong as I can be, right now.”

                Yugi leaned forward again, this time putting his arms around Ryo and hugging him gently, being careful of his wound.  “That’s all anyone can ask of you.  Killing yourself doesn’t take courage, living does.  You have so much inside you, I know you do.  You’re very brave, to have gone through life with that spirit dragging you down like an anchor.”  He smiled as he felt Ryo’s arms slide around his body and hug him back.  “If you want, I can stay a little while,” Yugi whispered to him.   “Grandpa said I could take as long as I wanted.  I don’t want to keep you up, if you need to get some rest, but…”  He pulled back in order to smile at Ryo.  “I don’t really want to leave you all by yourself, either.”

                “I’d like you to stay.”  Ryo mustered a little more of a smile for him.  “If you leave, the only company I’ll have is my father, and to be honest, I’d rather talk to the spirit of the Ring.”

                Yugi made an uncomfortable face.  “Not very close to him, are you?”

                “No.  But I don’t feel much like talking about it right now.”  He glanced down as Yugi’s hand slid away from his arm, and then caught up his left hand.  He used his thumb to turn the ring on Yugi’s fourth finger around until he could read the characters engraved on it, and then smiled again.  “Ah, that’s what it said.  I wondered.  ‘Eternity’ – that’s very lovely, Yugi.”

                Yugi found himself shyly blushing.  “Thanks.  It’s nothing more than a promise ring, but…”

                Ryo nodded his understanding, and then took a breath in order to sigh.  It put a strain on his chest again, making him wince.  “I could have picked a much less painful method of doing myself in,” he said with dark humor.

                Yugi’s eyes saddened all over again.  “Are you okay?  Does it hurt a lot?”

                “Only when I breathe.”  Ryo shrugged stiffly.  “And cry.”

                “You should lay down,” Yugi implored.  “Try to rest.  I’ll sit here with you for a while, but I want you to get lots of rest and get better.   Okay?”

                A genuine smile awoke on Ryo’s face.  “All right.”

                Yugi stayed with his friend for as long as he could, but he would eventually need to go back home and work in the shop.  Even though he had permission to dawdle, he thought more for Ryo’s sake than anything that he should keep it short and not be late.  Ryo reclined on the bed to rest and they talked for a while, mostly catching up on things that happened in the past month, and Yugi willingly told him of the development between Tristan and Duke that had surprised all of them not long ago.  It gave them plenty to discuss without ever approaching any sensitive topics that might darken Ryo’s mood.  Mr. Bakura came back in after Yugi and Ryo had put aside their personal talk, but was relegated to the background while the boys chatted and more or less ignored him.  When a doctor came in to check up on Ryo and have the dressing on his wound changed, it made for a good break for all of them.  Ryo’s father decided to go to his flat and pick up some decent pajamas, since it looked like Ryo would be staying in the hospital a couple of days just to be sure the wound didn’t become infected, and Yugi figured it was a good time for him to go.  After the doctor was finished, Ryo needed a nap anyway.  They clasped hands and said farewell, and Yugi reluctantly drew himself away to return home to a normal day’s work.

                The day seemed to crawl by, but Yugi hardly noticed as he went about his work in an even calm, telling his grandfather about Bakura in as few details as possible and then throwing himself into his routine.  His sober mind remained quiet, and he hardly shared a thing with Yami at all.  It worried the pharaoh that Yugi could be so shaken that he couldn’t react, but he refrained from interfering unless asked to.  But by evening, he was so concerned by the frozen state of Yugi’s heart that he finally had to say something.  After dinner, after Yugi made his way to his bedroom and was slowly stripping off his clothes for bed, a gentle murmur stole through his mind.  “Yugi…I know you’re tired,” the pharaoh’s spirit began.  “But…I would like to see you.  I want to know you’re all right.  Will you come into the world of the Puzzle, with me?”

                “Mm…sure,” Yugi responded in a whisper.  “Give me a bit.”

                Yami stood before the big steel door that kept his mind separate from Yugi’s, holding his breath expectantly as the door creaked open and Yugi padded in, wearing his pajamas.  He had fallen into bed and into the trance very quickly, as if some part of him craved this meeting even though he hadn’t thought of it himself.  The moment he looked up and saw Yami waiting for him, and the bittersweet look in his eyes, his tenuously-held composure shattered.  His own violet eyes went from tired to wide to watery in an instant, and he burst into tears as he ran forward and threw himself into Yami’s arms.  The pharaoh caught him and sank to the floor with him, holding him tightly as Yugi sobbed for minutes on end, everything he had been holding back finally released.  Yami held him without a word, even as Yugi slumped against him and clenched his fists on his partner’s black shirt.  After a bit he started shaking his head against Yami’s chest.  “It’s not fair!” he cried.  “Why do my friends always have to suffer?  Why is it like this?  Tell me!”   He heaved a shuddering breath.  “Please, Yami…tell me why the world is such a cruel place…why this has to happen to the people I care about…”

                A pained look crossed Yami’s face.  “Yugi…”

                “Everything was going so good,” Yugi sobbed.  “The tournament…and Joey getting engaged…and Duke and Tristan…and then…and then Duke gets beat up, and now this happens to Bakura!   It’s not fair!”

                Yami managed to shift so he was sitting down, and gathered Yugi into his lap to hold him.  Yugi still clung to a handful of his shirt, but he was trying to calm down and just laid with his head against his lover’s chest as he sniffled and tried to hold back his sobs.  “I’m sorry, Yugi,” the pharaoh said softly, bowing his head over him.  “I wish I had an answer for you.  I wish I knew why the world was so terrible, or that I knew how to fix it.”  He hugged Yugi tighter and began to stroke his hair, cradling him protectively while Yugi trembled and closed his eyes to make the tears stop.  “It hurts me to see how much this affects you, and I want to be able to make it better,” Yami murmured.  “But all I can do is promise you I will not let anything involving me or the Millennium Puzzle be the reason for anyone’s suffering…”  He smiled very faintly as Yugi looked up at him, his teary eyes wide and innocent.  “Least of all, yours.”

                With a soft moan, Yugi rested his forehead against his lover’s shoulder again.  “Life is just so hard,” he whispered.  “I feel horrible that I didn’t even notice how much pain Bakura was in, or that he wanted to kill himself.  I feel like I let him down.”

                “How could you know?”  Yami just sat and combed his fingers through Yugi’s hair.  “He put on such a brave face around you.  I didn’t even notice.  He chose to hide his pain from us, Yugi – to suffer in silence.  You couldn’t have offered him help if he didn’t speak up to ask for it.”

                “I guess…”  Yugi rubbed his eyes with a fist, wiping away the tears.  “I just…can’t believe he would want to kill himself.  Is there really so little hope in his life?”

                Yami bent his head and planted a little kiss on his partner’s forehead.  “There’s no sense in looking back, or regretting what we failed to see,” he said gently.   “All we can do is look forward, and do our best to help him from now on.  To be there for him.  Remember, Yugi…”  He stroked Yugi’s cheek with his thumb, encouraging him to look up at him.  “You tried, many times, to be his friend.  More often than not, he pushed you away.  Bakura may need a friend now more than ever, but he must choose to have one, as much as you choose to be one.  You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, who has already given up.”

                “Bakura hasn’t given up,” Yugi weakly protested.

                “No, not yet,” Yami agreed.  “And I’m glad.  There is hope for him.  But he has to want it.”  He brushed the lingering tears from the ends of Yugi’s eyelashes.  “I have faith in you, my love.  You won’t let him down, you love your friends too much to do that.  We just have to hope that he’s ready to reach for the hand you’re offering him.”

                Yugi nodded, and then squeezed his eyes tightly shut and pressed his forehead into Yami’s shoulder to stop himself from being overwhelmed by his emotions again.  “I just hate that everything’s gone so crazy.  Why couldn’t it just stay being happy, with everyone falling in love and winning and having a good life?  Why do these things have to happen?”

                “That, I don’t know.”  Yami curled his arms around his partner and held him close.  “There is much about the world that even I don’t understand.   How people can hate one another, how they can choose to make another person’s life miserable.  But the more I think about that, the more I remember Dartz, and the mistaken things he said about needing to destroy the human race.  He gave me a glimpse into the darkness of my own soul, but I feel more strongly now than I ever did that I can’t give up.  I must have faith in people to love, and be loved, or surely I would be drowned in that darkness and destroyed.”

                Yugi heaved a long sigh and picked his head up, blinking up at his lover’s solemn face.  “I suppose you’re right,” he breathed.  “Not every person is like that.”

                “And do you know?”  Yami smiled tenderly and cupped Yugi’s cheek with one hand.  “You have taught me that, more than anyone else.  When I look at the world and wonder when it got to be so dark and evil, all I have to do is look to you.  You are pure and kind, and fill my soul with light.  How someone so precious as you has gone through life untainted by the world, I will never understand.”  He kissed Yugi again, on the tip of his petite nose.  “But I will guard it with all that I am, so that you never become like the rest of them.   Your loving nature is rare and needs to be protected.”

                Yugi gave a soft moan and fell into him, finally sliding his arms around Yami’s waist and squeezing him tightly.  Strong arms circled his shoulders and hugged back.  “I love you,” Yugi whispered.  “I don’t know how you see me as pure, but…I’m not going to argue.   I’m so glad I have you with me.  You can help me be strong when all I want to do is curl up in some corner and cry.”

                Yami purred in response, bending his head and nuzzling the top of Yugi’s.  “Perhaps that is why we are made for each other.  We both need each other.”  He sighed long, content to feel Yugi’s arms around him.  “I know the world is cruel, and no one deserves to suffer.  Whether it’s for who they love, how they live, or what their destiny may be.  All we can do is take care of one another, and bring whatever small hope we can into the lives that touch ours.”

                “I guess that will have to be enough.”  Yugi curled up and rested his head on his partner’s chest.   “But for tonight, I want to forget all of it.  I’ll be strong for my friends in the morning.”

                The pharaoh chuckled.  “Then, let’s go to our room.  I’ll watch over you while you sleep.”

                Yugi sighed contentedly into his shirt.  “I like the sound of that.”

                The hospital kept Bakura for a couple of days to be sure that his wound was on its way to healing, and not vulnerable to infection since it was so close to his heart.  The slightest complication could cause an immediate downturn in his condition and kill him, if they weren’t careful.  In that time, Yugi had spread word to all of his friends, though not telling them specifically of the suicide attempt so as not to prejudice them against Ryo.  As a result, his little room was full of balloons and flowers by the time they let him out, and he had benefited from several visits from his old school and dueling chums to raise his spirits.  Joey and the others, who were familiar with the operations of the Millennium Ring, chose to believe that the accident had been the spirit’s fault and lavished Ryo with plenty of sympathy and kind wishes for his recovery.  Yugi was glad to see, as he left the night before Bakura was to be discharged, that his frail friend was smiling and under no desire to complete what he had started the other night.  It was only one small step on a long road to recovery, but at least he was taking those forward steps.

                White Day dawned clear and fresh with a taste of spring in the air, bright sunshine gleaming down as a car pulled up outside the apartment building Bakura called home.  Ryo sat in the passenger seat, closed off and sullen as usual, though he looked with some interest out the window at the first buds on the bare branches of the trees planted outside his building.   His father turned off the car and sighed heavily as he turned to regard his melancholy son refusing to look at him.  “Well, here we are,” he said uselessly.  “I’ll help you carry everything upstairs.”

                “Fine,” Ryo said, though he made no move to open the car door.

                “Are you sure you’re going to be all right by yourself?   I mean, if something happens…”

                “I’m fine,” Ryo assured, his voice nothing more than a breathy murmur.

                His father gave up, having tried already twice over the past day to convince his son to come stay at home with him to no avail.  He reached back into the back seat and pulled something out from under the bag of Ryo’s clothing, looking at it before holding it out.  “Here.  I…uh…got you something.  It’s White Day, you know.”

                Ryo showed the first signs of life, blinking in curiosity as he turned his head, and then reached to take the box from his father.  “A gift for White Day?  You’ve never given me anything…since giving me the Millennium Ring.”

                “I know,” Mr. Bakura said dejectedly.  “And I feel terrible about that, because it makes me the indirect cause of your accident – since I gave it to you so many years ago.  I know that…we aren’t close, Ryo, and I know that giving you one little present won’t make up for never being there.  That’s painfully clear.  But…it’s yours, anyway.  It may be a small gesture, but…I’m making it nonetheless.”

                Ryo turned the box over in his hands to see the picture and label on the front, and gave a start when he saw what it was.  His brown eyes widened dramatically.  “A wireless duel disk outlet…”

                “And…it comes with this…”  Mr. Bakura reached into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out a small card.  “It’s a year’s subscription to the online service.  I only paid for it, you can choose your name and all that when you sign on.  The information is here.”  He set the card on top of the box.  “You have the duel disk itself, right?  I figured you would…”

                “Yes,” Ryo nodded, stunned.  “But…how did you know about it?”

                Mr. Bakura smiled sheepishly.  “I asked your friend Yugi what would cheer you up, and this is what he said.  He mentioned that he wanted to get one for you, but hadn’t yet.”  He tried to give his son an interested look.  “You like that Duel Monsters game a lot, do you?”

                Ryo turned the box over in his hands, wondering what to do with it.  Much as he wanted to refuse any gift given from his father, he couldn’t deny that he did kind of want one, and hearing that Yugi had suggested it made him feel a little better about it.  “I…I see,” he murmured.  “Thank you, I guess.”

                “Well,” his father sighed.  “Let’s get you upstairs.  If there’s anything else I can do for you, Ryo…”

                “No,” Bakura said right away.  “This is enough.  I’m fine, really.”  He glanced aside as his father opened the car door and made to get out.  “Don’t feel you need to check up on me.  If there is a problem, I will let you know.”

                Mr. Bakura gazed worriedly at him, but decided not to argue and just got out of the car.  There were a couple of armloads of gifts along with Ryo’s bag that needed to go up, and he wasn’t about to let the young man strain his wound by carrying anything himself.  It took only a few minutes, and then Ryo turned away from his father, signaling that he didn’t intend to carry on further conversation.  The elder Bakura paused at the door, glancing back.  “Ryo…”

                “You can stop blaming yourself for my injury,” his son said curtly, keeping his back turned.  “It had nothing to do with you.  I appreciate the gift, but you’re right…it doesn’t make up for all those years of never being there.  Thank you for helping me, Father.”  He glanced very slightly over his shoulder.  “Goodbye, now.”

                Annoyed, Mr. Bakura let him have his stubborn resistance and let himself out, closing the door securely behind him.  Ryo went to lock the door, and then returned to his bedroom, taking the box with the wireless outlet for the duel disk with him.  He was very tired and sore and wanted to rest, but curiosity drove him to break out the new toy and figure out what to do with it.  He quickly changed into fresh clothing for lounging in bed and then gathered his laptop and duel disk to him, sitting down in the middle of the thick futon and tugging the fresh sheets up around his waist.  Propping a pillow against the wall, he settled in with the computer on his lap to figure out how to install the new hardware into the duel disk and the corresponding software on his computer, a task which didn’t take his bright mind and nimble fingers long.  Soon enough he was online and connected to the wireless network, choosing his username and embarking on a journey into the world of cyber-dueling.   He was supposed to be on bed rest for a couple of days anyway, he figured he may as well fill his time with inane activity such as this, but he set the duel disk off to one side, not intending to duel just yet.  The KaibaCorp network had a number of community functions for duelists to introduce themselves, talk to other duelists, and participate in a global village of dueling geeks, plenty of features to keep him occupied.  Resting comfortably in bed, Ryo’s fingers danced across his laptop keys, setting up his profile first under the name “ChangeofHeart.”   It was a wonder it hadn’t been taken already, but most duelists had aggressive-sounding, boastful usernames – they wouldn’t understand the significance to him.  At last, he submitted his information and decided to take a look around.

                The dueling network included message boards, chat rooms, private messages, and instant messaging to set up duels with opponents around the world.   Ryo perused the boards for a bit before testing out one of the chat rooms, at which point he decided it was all too much.  The chats flew by at breakneck speed, people popping on and off all the time and scrolling his screen with a flurry of pointless internet chatter in some kind of youthful cyber-language that he couldn’t interpret.  Sighing, he signed out of it and looked through his profile one more time, noticing the watchlist feature where he could enter the names of friends he wanted to keep tabs on.  It took a moment’s thought, but then he remembered the name Yugi had told him, and added “KingofGames” as his first – and only – friend.  It looked pathetic, having that lone name on the screen, but Ryo knew he was only beginning.  Perhaps someday – not today – he would work up the courage to accept a duel with someone, and test out his duel disk’s new capability.  At the moment he feared the game, because of the temptation it might be to the Ring spirit, never knowing whether breaking out his deck and playing for fun would provoke him like it did in the regional tournament.  At least there looked to be plenty of activities online to get him introduced to the gaming community first, before he would have to worry about actually dueling on the network.

                Clicking on the name in his watchlist brought up Yugi’s profile, sans picture at the moment but otherwise looking like Yugi had been in a rather happy mood when he created it.  Reading the little biographical blurbs about him made Ryo smile to himself.  That gave him pause for thought, as he tried to remember what Yugi had told him about the network and other people on it, friends he might be able to add to his watchlist as well.  Neither Joey nor Mai had gotten one, so they were out.  Tristan didn’t duel.  Who else was there, that he knew?  A moment’s thought brought the answer to him, with a little gasp.  That’s right, Yugi was going about Marik, he remembered.  He qualified for the world tournament online.  But that brought up the question of whether Bakura wanted to talk to Marik.  He had seen him only a few months ago, standing at Yugi’s side as a friend and protector.  Yugi said he was a nice guy, now, and there was that bit on Valentine’s Day about wanting to re-introduce the two of them to each other in the hopes of them hitting it off.  Ryo knew nothing about that, he was still getting over the sting of having his infatuation for Yugi crushed.   Yet, the itch of curiosity had him entering Marik’s name into the search bar before he even realized it.  Up popped the lone profile of anyone matching that name:   WingedDragonMarik.  There was a photo avatar of him from the world tournament, and some splashy award banners beneath his name about him being a finalist from the online qualification bracket.  Ryo gazed at his profile for a long while, particularly at the picture.  It was certainly Marik, no doubts there.  Ryo recalled some of what Yugi had told him a month ago, over dinner, gushing about how good-looking Marik was and how he had trouble meeting boys in his home country.   He had offered, then, to set the two of them up and let them get to know each other for real, should the opportunity arise.  It looked to Ryo like the opportunity was right there in front of him, now.  On a whim, he clicked the tab to add WingedDragonMarik to his watchlist, and started when a little chime rang to tell him that the user was currently online.

                Ryo blinked at the little popup flag.  He’s online?  I wonder what time it is in Egypt.  He remained still for a long time, letting his screen flash without doing anything.  This was his chance, he could at least say hello.  But he didn’t know how Marik would react, being messaged unexpectedly by someone he probably didn’t want to hear from.  But the window showing his meager watchlist remained steady – Marik wasn’t logging off, no matter how long Ryo sat there eyeing his username.  It was a surprise to find him right away like that, considering the time difference between their countries and the likelihood that someone like Marik would be hanging around dueling in the first place.  What kept Bakura from sending him a message was not Yugi’s suggestion of hooking the two of them up, but simply the knowledge that he had past dealings with Marik and couldn’t predict how he would react to being pestered by someone he may consider his adversary in all things Millennium-related.  Ryo knew next to nothing about Marik from those days, when his dark half had partnered with the Ring spirit in order to attack the pharaoh.  But he remembered the sight of a slender, exotic young man with piercing blue eyes gazing at him through the snowflakes one November night, and decided not to disappoint Yugi.  Biting his lip, he summoned up the courage and clicked to bring up a message window, typing, “Marik?” and hitting send.

                It took a moment, but then the window flashed with a response.   Yes?

                Hi, Ryo typed back, and then added, It’s Bakura.

                Bakura!  The reaction was almost instant.  Really?  Is that you?

                Yes.  Ryo smiled to himself; so far, so good.  Well…hello.

                Hello, Marik messaged back.  This is certainly a surprise.

                I hope I’m not interrupting anything…

                No, no.  Just hanging around.  I just finished a duel.  There was a break, and then he added, What is it?  Did you want to duel me?  I’m sorry, I don’t really feel like starting another one just now.  Maybe later.

                No, Ryo typed quickly to make sure he knew.  I don’t want to duel.  Just to talk.

                A smiley-face popped up on the screen, followed by, Sure.  I can talk.  How are you?

                Oh, if you only knew, Ryo wanted to say, but didn’t.   He tentatively answered with something simple and innocent, saying that he was home sick in bed and was looking for someone to keep him company.  It was apparently mid-morning in Egypt, and Marik was just playing around with his duel disk for lack of anything better to do while he waited for his sister to call him down to the antiquities library to help her out.  Bakura asked him about the tournament, having heard lots from Yugi but wanting to know Marik’s stories, so they chatted for a long time about it, never running out of things to say.  Ryo kept it polite and concise on his end, testing the waters to see what Marik would say or how he would react, but his online pal was nothing short of friendly and open.  He wanted to know how Yugi was, how everything was in Domino, what the weather was like, what sorts of things Bakura was up to.  There was apparently a lot more for the two of them to talk about than either of them thought, and before long they were completely absorbed in the conversation, letting the day pass while they caught up and moved gradually from things they had in common – dueling, the tournament, Yugi and his friends – to the things about each other that they didn’t know.   Ryo found out that Marik lived a quiet and relatively uninteresting life in Egypt, assisting his sister with her duties as an expert on Egyptian antiquities, which translated roughly to lifting heavy things and cleaning.   Marik wanted to know all about Bakura’s studies, intrigued to discover that he was going into anthropology.  They spent hours chatting, until the sun began to set in Japan and Ryo’s room grew dark.  He was getting a headache from staring at the screen so long, but he didn’t want to cut the conversation short.  At last, both of them got an excuse to have to say farewell for now, as Marik returned after a long pause to inform his chat partner that Ishizu had just called him down to help her with some errands.  That’s all right, Ryo assured him.  I should probably get some rest, anyway.

                Yes, if you’re not feeling well, you should try to sleep, Marik encouraged.  Don’t let me keep you up.  How late is it there?

                Only around dinnertime, Ryo replied.  I’m not hungry, though.  I think I’ll just get some sleep.

                That’s a good idea.  You need to take care of yourself.  You should have said something!  Now I feel bad for monopolizing all your time when you should have been napping or something.

                Ryo made the smiley-face this time, and chuckled to himself out loud as he typed his response.  Don’t feel bad.  I’m glad I got to talk with you.  It’s made me feel a lot better.

                I’m glad, Marik said.  Yes, it was a good chat.  I’m happy you found me.

                Ryo bit his lip timidly again as he typed his next question.   Can I talk to you some more?  Another time, perhaps?

                The reply was immediate.  Sure, with another smile.  I’m on at all times of the day.  Just say hello, and we’ll talk.  Or maybe duel?

                I’m not sure I’m up for any dueling right about now, Ryo answered cryptically.  Maybe someday.  For now, I just want to get to know people.

                That sounds like a wonderful idea.  There was a pause, to let it sink in.  All right, I need to go before Ishizu gets annoyed with me.  Take care, Bakura.  I’ll talk to you again later.

                Yes, later.  Thank you, Marik.

                One last smiley-face popped up on the chat window before Marik signed off.

                Ryo sat back with a sigh, rubbing his eyes.  It had gotten terribly late, he couldn’t believe he had spent half the day chatting online.  With just one person.   He logged off his account and shut down the computer, finally stretching out to lie down and realizing how cramped his back had gotten from being in that position all day.  But it was worth it.  He smiled to himself as he rolled over and curled up with his head on the pillow, closing his eyes.  He was exhausted and his chest hurt, not to mention his back now, but he felt a new warmth all through him.  He had noticed that both he and Marik steered away from any direct reference to the Ring, Battle City, or anything else that might reawaken painful memories in either of them, but even so, they had found plenty to talk about and share.  Even guarded, their true personalities had begun to show, and they found each other a pleasure to talk to – especially once they stopped talking about Yugi and were off on other subjects that didn’t invoke his name once.  Ryo pulled the blankets up around his shoulders and sighed contentedly, feeling the haze of slumber creeping up on him.  He needed rest, certainly, but for once, only pleasant thoughts filled his mind as he drifted off in the early evening semi-dark of his room.  A half-empty glass of water and a vial of prescription painkillers sat on the little stand next to his bed, but he didn’t need them.  He would sleep through the whole night, as his battered body craved rest.  Behind him, across the room on top of his bureau where he had left it before climbing into bed so much earlier in the afternoon, lay the Millennium Ring, unneeded and forgotten.

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