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Naruto Fanfiction Guide
Or: What Happens when Chibi and GreenFire are bored on AIM
The Cast/Usefull Terms
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Naruto: Happy/Baka/Hidden Angst (everyone hates me, why does everyone hate me, my smile isn't real it's just a mask)
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Sasuke: Angst/Pissy/Angst/Pissy/Angst/Pissy
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Sakura: Useless/Mean to Naruto/Obsessed with Sasuke/Secret yaoi fangirl who wants them together/Decent and cute when she's not in the way of SasuNaru
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Gaara: Lost/Confused/Psycho/Teach me how to love *insert name here, but usually Naruto*
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Itachi: Asshole/Bastard/I can only sleep with my brother and his friends which would make me someone who is part of incest and into younger boys because there's no one left for me to f*ck because my partner looks like a shark but it's o.k., I'm hot anyway
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Orochimaru: Pedophile. Enough said.
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Kakashi: Hentai.
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Iruka: Extremely 200% blushy.
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Other characters: They come in sometimes, really they do, seriously... (actually they do I just got lazy, I'll add more later)
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Naruto (series): A world where teachers can sleep with students, brothers can sleep with their little brothers, 12 year old boys have sex OR they suddenly turn 16 so it's not so bad
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Sexy no Jitsu: The ultimate way to keep yaoi fans (Sasuke x Naruto) and het fans (Sasuke x Naruto... only he's a girl) happy
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Naruto (series): Remember all those cool moves in the series? Forget about them. The only thing you need to remember about the training they go through is that 99.9% of the time it leads to sex
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Naruto(series): The boys will be training forever. They have to be doing something to give them a reason to be together before they go back to the house for hot sex.
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Hinata: Cute/shy/cute/shy/cute/shy/the kind of anime girl you should hate but she's too damn cute/shy/cute/shy/cute
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Sasuke/Naruto: Whores of Naruto Fanfiction
Different Types of Fics/Pairings
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Uchihacest: Itachi x Sasuke fic. Because Kisame is fugly therefore Itachi must turn to his younger brother. These fics are usually before the Naruto series, or during the series where Itachi and Sasuke meet before they actually see each other again in the series, or after that meeting. Itachi is never killed, revenge is never met, there's just sex and then Sasuke gets more messed up but it's o.k.... two hot guys having sex... even if... they're brothers...
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Kakashi and Iruka: Perverted teacher. Shy teacher. Need I say more?
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Kakashi and Iruka: All right fine I'll say a bit more. Kakashi = Naruto's new teacher. Iruka = Naruto's old teacher. Wait, what about Jiraiya, isn't he Naruto's new teacher technically ACK! *ducks from flying objects*
Usefull Character Descriptions:
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What does Naruto taste like? Ramen.
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What color is his hair? Sunshine.
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What color is Sasuke's hair? Raven (you can also use this for his eyes)
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Naruto's smile? Again, like sunshine.
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Naruto's eyes? Sky blue of course.
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Sasuke's symbol on his back? A Pokeball *grins*
Sasuke Naruto Fics (When They are 12)
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Step one: Training
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Step two: More training, muttering bad things about the other person (Sasuke pisses me off, thinks he's so cool) (Naruto is such a baka)
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Step three: Train until they get tired, so then they're defenses are low so they can do something nice like go out for ramen or go back to Sasuke's place for food
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Step four: Eat. Realize feelings (Sasuke's being nice to me, it's not bad) (Naruto's not so bad)
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Step five: Nervous small talk because feelings are taking over. Nervous small talk = Naruto talk a lot because we know Sasuke doesn't talk..........
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Step six: Finally, a kiss
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Step seven: Kiss more
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Step eight: Kiss more
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Step nine: Realize you want a lemon, you want one bad, you can only describe a kiss for so long but then remember that they aren't even teenagers yet, so kiss more
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Step ten: Finally stop kissing. Something like admitting feelings, snuggling, some crap whatever you don't care, there's no lemon. But don't worry because...
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Step eleven: ... have them be older next time!
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Step twelve: They're older now, it's a new fic, they're sixteen! Get revenge for the wait by having them be Anbu, because we know that all Anbu are sexy.
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Step thirteen: He he he he he....... sex! Finally! And lots of it!
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